As I sit on a plane headed back to California after an incredible 7 weeks at Explo, I am in a very different place than I was as I was writing my last blog post. At the end of the first session I was tired. I was worn out and not feeling the magic. I had found that I really liked teaching but was being assigned duties that I didn’t particularly enjoy, was having a hard time relating to a lot of my kids, was feeling like I didn’t know my place with the staff, and generally was not having the time of my life. All of those things changed during the second session.
At the start of second session I told the programming office that I had only been assigned to about three main events (the fun things that happens every night) for the entire previous session. They were horrified and Ariel told Ross to make sure that I was assigned to every main event for the rest of the session. This included guarding a water slide from the kids and having a bucket of water dumped over my head by Sheldon. (Don’t worry, I got him back). I also got paid to do flying trapeze as a weekend trip (and didn’t even hurt my wrist), so that’s something pretty fantastic I guess if you’re into awesome stuff.
My kids second session, every one of them, were amazing. Including the kids who didn’t live on my hall and weren’t in my classes who happened to just like hanging out with me. They were an incredible group that for whatever reason I got along with incredibly well. I don’t know if I got better with the kids or if for some reason second session had my people in it but I felt like I connected with so many of the kids. I had a love poem written for me and sung with ukulele accompaniment by Rachel who had met me literally 20 mins before these shenanigans. I got to play soccer with some kids who thought I was really good which was super fun. A hypothetical staff member also took a shot at the goal and missed, breaking a really nice Wellesley College lamp. The kids hypothetically thought this was the most hilarious thing that they had seen in their life. The dean’s office thought the way this hypothetical staff member brought this problem to them was amusing and since the lamp was broken doing a reasonable thing with the kids, they didn’t even make me… er, the hypothetical staff member pay for the damages.
The girls on my hallway were the most hilarious thing in the world. They were all so sweet and hilarious. We had the biggest personalities and best friends were made. Two of the girls had their own dance, involving lots of “Woo”s as well as a song and dance for their favorite staff member. Others loved to show of magic tricks, dance, cook, make up games, and so many other things. They even taught me a little bit of Chinese. I maintain that I absolutely had the best hallway and I’m so happy that I was lucky enough to get to know these kids.
I also realized that Sheldon is literally the coolest person on the planet and that he makes a fantastic best friend. He let me whine to him about anything and everything and even shared homemade cookies with me while listening. He was the first person I felt comfortable jamming with and he set me at ease in everything else as well. I was very lucky to have him as a partner in crime and he helped make even the bad days tolerable with hugs and good advice. Saying goodbye to him was probably the hardest but I know that he is going to do an amazing job teaching English in Israel and I can’t wait to hear about all of his adventures and then meet up and travel the world together at the start of next year.
The other staff are also incredible and I’m so happy that I was able to meet them. I’m so happy that I stayed to work move out even though I’m pretty sure I lost money with the plane flight change brought into the accounting because I got to spend some time just hanging out with these people as people. I got to be one of the last ones to leave and say a proper good bye to most people. I will miss Devyn and Nora who are the cutest couple and who both always made me feel at home. I will miss Tammara who made me feel like I could sing. I will miss Conor who assured me that I was a good violinist and who I had some amazing jam sessions with. I will miss AJ and Elena who are fantastic people who love to dance and just have so much positivity and love to give. I will miss Vinny and Alex and hanging out by the lake and in the staff lounge just doing whatever and working out together. I will miss Sophia who was the most amazing co-RA in the world and who I wish I had been on the same staff with so that we could have been ridiculous together more often. I will miss Paul who has one of the most awesome personalities that I have ever met. I will miss Andrew who was my secret buddy and an amazing tuba player and always just did his thing and was fantastic. I will miss Dakota who is the most adorable person on the planet. I will miss Daniel and his ability to always be wonderfully ridiculous. I will miss Emmett who was my secret buddy and left me a disposable camera and some snickers I wasn’t supposed to have. I will miss screaming “Build it!”, “Build!” “It!” and so many other ridiculous things with Emily. I will miss wandering Boston with Susan and having another person with ridiculous color changing awesome hair. I will miss leading trips with Avi who is just so fantastic and sweet and the best. I will miss Matt Tanner. Despite his freckles and inability to say my name correctly. I will my husband, Kurt. I will miss Georgia’s amazing dancing and incredible spirit. I will miss Katie and Matt Terhar, Kate and Alan, Adam, Max, Will, Wilson, Patrick, Ross, Izzy, Keri, and just so many other people I can’t even say. I am going to stop now because I could literally do this forever. Just suffice it to say that the people who work at Explo are special and awesome and I will really, sincerely miss every one of them.
In addition to Sheldon, there was Jacob. He was one of the first people that I met at Explo. My first real memory of him was when he opened the back of a Uhaul and had a wall of boxes descend upon his head, in particular one full of office supplies including a whole punch. He insisted he was fine but that’s the first thing I really remember about him. I think we actually found that box at move out. It was a slightly broken box with a hole punch in it and even if it wasn’t the right one I’m pretending it is and I showed it to him so he could remember to. Jacob listened to me. He let me ramble on about all of my research. He encouraged me to play my violin with him. My first real jam session ever was playing I can’t even remember what while he played ukulele on Sev Green in the middle of the night on a violin that didn’t even belong to me. I had no idea how to improv and he explained the basics to me. I only played one song with him that night because I got too shy after that but that’s how I started. I never got to jam with him again and I’m actually quite sad about that. Maybe in another life.
We had a funny relationship with a rocky bit in the middle but I am so glad that I met him. I’m so happy that I’ll have a friend in Spain to visit. I’m happy that I had someone to wander Boston with and get lost in a secret garden. Someone who knew how to listen and cuddle and eat chocolate with me. And I’m hoping someday I’ll get to hang out with him again.
Jake told me at the start of Explo that he thought Explo did as much for the staff as it does for the students. First session I didn’t feel that so much, but after second session I definitely understand that. I feel like I am so much more confident in myself and my abilities. I can play violin in front of people again. I can sing in front of people. It wasn’t until after the anti-bullying night that I realized that I had been bullied about my singing in 5th grade and that that was the point when I had stopped performing in front of people. I had already begun to perform again by the time I had this realization and it made me really happy to know that I was overcoming this thing that I hadn’t even realized was haunting me. I can now stand up in front of a classroom and engage them. I can make them pay attention and listen and learn and follow directions. In a cow suit. I can be charismatic and exciting and likeable as well as an effective teacher. I can change and improvise things on the spot to make the experience better for students. I can take feedback and make my performance better.
I found that I can actually learn and remember people’s names. I always knew that names were important, obviously, but Explo showed me how much power there is in a name. Shouting at a random group of students to stop doing something is generally pretty ineffective, although I’ve gotten much better at that. Calling out one person from across the quad by name who is part of a group doing something wrong is incredibly effective. The focus and attention that you get by calling someone’s name out rather than just saying “Hey you!” is incredible. It’s like by knowing the name you have shown that you care about them in some small way that demands just a little bit more respect than if you didn’t know their name. It’s hard to describe but that difference was really cool to see and I will definitely be trying to learn names better from now on.
I wish that I could explain this experience and how amazing it is. I wish I could tell you really all of the things I learned how to do better as well as all of the things that I learned about myself. It’s kind of impossible to do that, but I just want some record that all of this happened. It’s already starting to feel like a dream and I really don’t want that. I want these things to stick with me and make a difference in my real life and not fade. Most of all I don’t want to forget the people who made this experience so amazing and I don’t want to lose touch with them. Goodbyes are always hard. I really hope that I will see you all again soon.